The Beauty of Chagall Windows, For Hospital Ashes
We have been wondering for a while why baby number two hasn't shown up yet. Maybe those of you who know us have wondered, too? Avid Natural Family Planners, I have never been on birth control, and we have totally trusted the Lord to grant us children in His timing. Both coming from families of four and five children, it is a desire of our hearts to have a home full... a quiverfull.
Aviel was a welcomed surprise, but the next baby has been an unwelcome delay.
Several months after Aviel totally weaned, with no sign of fertility in site, we decided it was time to have some tests run. The results revealed that I have high cortisol and ACTH, indicating some form of adrenal or pituitary problem, which has affected my fertility.
Since the in initial tests in January, I have been in and out of CT machines; poked and prodded with needles; and faced the embarrassment of carrying pee pee jugs around town (I'm a pedestrian, remember), all in an attempt to discern what is causing this hormonal imbalance. No cause determined so far, and more tests to go.
I've known for some time that something was wrong. My face has been red, unusually puffy, and my stomach has looked bloated. Yet the rest of me (arms, legs) has been the same. When I put on a little weight, it normally distributes differently. I weighed the the same just before I became pregnant with Aviel, but I look different now. And to be gut wrenchingly honest, I hate looking at photos of myself because I don't feel like I look like me.
Maybe its my post baby body? Aging?
I would wonder.
Then I'd look at photos from when Aviel was about 5-7 months old... I was thin, glowing, and healthy. I was in love, and overflowing with joy about my new place in life. I was happy. We were happy. All three of us.
We still are happy, joyful even. I'm learning how supernatural joy really is. A sadness permeates my emotions as we're are walking out this season of unknowns, but a joy in the goodness of the Lord remains.
The Lord grants a crown of beauty for ashes. He reminded me of this during my last set of tests. While at the hospital, I noticed a sign for Chagall Windows. Having a love for art and architecture history, I was familiar with Marc Chagall, a Russian born an early modernist. His Jewish heritage brought him to Israel and compelled him to create many biblically inspired works. I was not aware that the hospital had original pieces on display; and not only on display, but as a central architectural feature in the hospital synagogue.
Between blood drawls, I walked down to the synagogue, paid my 10 Shekel entry fee, and gazed at beauty. Chagall created color-rich stained glass windows, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel. They adorn the walls of the synagogue as over-sized sized clerestories.
I left inspired.
Even if my body isn't in position to be creative right now, my heart and my hands are.
The Lord will make this season beautiful, and I will make beauty and live as fruitfully as I can while we wait.
Chagall Windows at Hadassah Medical Center
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